OMG, OMG, OMG!!! You saw the first leaves float to the ground yesterday and you donned a pair of tall leather boots and an artfully wrapped scarf even though it’s still 8 degrees outside because YOU ARE FALL. Cider! Donuts! Whimsical leaves strewn about your house! Pumpkins, decorative gourds, glitter pumpkins! We hate to tell you, but this time of year most of your friends think you’re insane. Shut up and light the candle.
You know who you are. You have been watching Hallmark Christmas movies since July. You say you are excited for fall but really, it’s just an inconvenient hurdle between you and December. You have already planned your December first outfit: a white sweater full of sparkles so you’ll just like a snowflake. You day dream of horse drawn carriages pulling you through the snow-laden streets of a small town while holding hands with your husband and looking deep in each other’s eyes. In reality, he gets sciatica if he sits too long and hates the cold. He’s been trying to get you to move to Florida for a year now. Light this candle and dream, girl, light this candle and dream.
We see you and your naysaying ways. You’re the one reminding everyone the autumnal equinox isn’t until September 22. The fact that you use words like autumnal equinox is the reason you keep finding your weekends free of invitations to hang out. Accept that everyone else feels like fall starts on September 1 and light the candle. You’ll feel better.
You love fall, but mostly because it contains Halloween. You traded in your goth garb somewhere around your sophomore year of college, but that doesn’t mean you’re not still dark and edgy. You wear stuff with skulls on it year-round. And just wait until the neighbors see your house this year! You are already planning the scariest exhibit on the front lawn your hood has ever seen. While you bake little chocolate coffins, light this candle and bask in the glory of the season.
You’re a don an oversized sweater and a big pair of knit gloves and go frolic in the crisp, cold air kind of gal. When you were younger you used to sit in the tree near your house and eat apples. Now you are the first to load your kids in the minivan and head out to the orchard the minute the season hits. You over pick apples to the point that you’ve got an extra freezer full of applesauce that lasts until spring and your neighbors have all received an excess of pies, strudel, muffins and apple brown betties. They have begged you to stop making them fat. Your kids actually complain because they are so sick of apples. Like really sick of them. It’s September and there are still the last vestiges of last years applepalooza. Stand down this year and just light the candle.
Put down the wine glass. Yes, we see you and we know you are day drinking. We’re not judging. You have been counting down the days all summer to get your brood back to school, and now they are all finally out of the house. Put on some fluffy socks, ease back next to a table full of pumpkins, sit back and enjoy your candle.
Stop clinging to summer. It’s over. Fall is here and there is nothing you can do about it. We know, you are already dreaming of margaritas by a tropical pool, but you had your time. Give in to the glory of autumn. We know you won’t. In fact, you are such a summer-type that even though you have a beautiful fireplace in your living room you’ve never actually lit a fire. Fine. Light this candle and live in denial.
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