Black coffee, no sugar: You define simple elegance. You are a straight to the point, no nonsense person with exquisite taste. People generally like you. However, when you are uncaffeinated you are the most likely personality type to exhibit sociopathic tendencies.

Black coffee with sugar: See above, you are just a little less sociopathic.

Cappuccino: You are fun and easy to be around, but you are also wracked with self-doubt about your choices in life. Mellow out, have another cappuccino.

Decaf non-fat latte with no sugar: This order is otherwise known as “the why bother”. C’mon, pull it together. You need to do some work and figure out who you are.

Latte: You are an adventurous type who isn’t afraid to take chances. While being well grounded you are also comfortable stretching yourself when you need to. Your biggest drawback is when you start to fall into a routine it’s easy to get stuck in it. This is why when fall comes, you should probably actually have a PSL or two, because let’s face it, you do tend towards basic.

Pumpkin Spice Latte: We get it, it’s fall. You are so basic (I bet you fit this mold here). But if it weren’t fall, would you still be wishing you could order it? In this case you are a little extra basic. You are probably the head of the PTA or have at least tried to be. Sorry, I hate to tell you but everyone secretly hates you.

Regular coffee with cream and sugar: Okay, you’re fine, but just fine. That’s a kind way of saying you are boring. You probably have 2.3 kids, a dog, drive a reasonably priced car that is more than ten years old and have only changed jobs once in your career. You need to get out more. Try an Irish coffee or two, maybe even before 5:00.

Americano: You are either an expat who misses the coffee back in the good ole USofA, or you are a former expat who misses living abroad.

Irish coffee: Wheeeee!!! Everyone loves you. You are the life of the party. You probably need to calm down a little.

Triple shot caramel macchiato with extra whip: You need a kick in the pants to do anything, but once you get going you are actually a perfectionist. You are fun to hang out with until about 9pm and then you are early to bed. You won’t tell your coffee loving friends but you are actually very much a morning person.

Peppermint mocha:

You love all the Hallmark movies, but particularly the Christmas ones, all year long. Do I need to say more?

Read the top five coffee chains ranked here.

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About A.P. Suttlemeyer

A.P. is part time jaded Gen Xer, part time enthusiast for all things basic. After living and edgy life in New York City, she moved to the suburbs and had kids. She fully embraces the fact that she is now a basic, bougie babe in the burbs.

View all posts by A.P. Suttlemeyer